Stuck and Cluttered

clutter fairy I am stuck. My house, and as a result, my brain, is cluttered. When my brain is cluttered I over think certain things and drive my husband crazy with my wishy washy, don’t know what I want out of life ramblings. I also can’t focus on what’s really important and in the here and now.

I get like this every few months when I start to feel trapped by my STUFF. I feel it closing in around me and need to purge and organize and clean. I think it’s from years of living with very few possessions and the ability to just pick up and go.

To this day, anytime I purchase something really big and expensive, I almost immediately start to regret it thinking, “Now I am tied down…I will lose all sorts of money trying to sell that if we want to move…” and things like that. I thought that when we recently bought a new playset for our boys (that was finally shipped today – woo hoo!). I thought, “Well, now we definitely can’t move”. Who thinks like that? It’s crazy.

I often start off with the best intentions to get ‘er done, but then life happens and I start to get used to it all again and don’t really get anywhere. My ‘to do’ list is quite long. I have things that need to be washed, hung (photos, prints, canvas), put away, given away, thrown away, sold, organized, repaired, you name it, I feel as if it’s on the list.

So, in an effort to help turn over my new leaf (which I will hopefully be talking about next week), I am going to unplug for a few days (at least from my blog and facebook since I still need to list things on Craigslist and Ebay to sell) in an effort to cross some things off my list.

Do you have things you do to unclutter your life? Please share….

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07/02/2009 | Organization, Spring Cleaning.

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4 Responses to “Stuck and Cluttered”

Kelly Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 9:23 am

I could have written your post! We tackled the garages yesterday (we have a 2 car but they are separated by a wall), an last week, and we did the whole house Friday. I took over $500 in donations to Goodwill yesterday, it felt FANTASTIC! ‘Til I looked around and saw the rest of the stuff we have to do!

Happy purging!

Mama Bird Says:
July 9th, 2009 at 9:58 pm

Thanks…I didn’t get near what I wanted to get done, but I’m not finished. I’m getting stuff ready for a big consignment sale coming up and to post on Craigslist (small fuzzi bunz anyone?). I’m also getting some baby clothes together to give away to family/friends having boys. I did purge some toys last night, though not nearly enough.

It’s definitely a work in progress. Going to purge some stuff out of my basement soon. It’s a rabbit warren down there.

Reese Says:
February 6th, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Just read this essay sent to FlyLady, and I absolutely love it! It might help!

Dear FlyLady,

It’s really true. I’m someone who has inherited a legacy of clutter. It is awful.

My mother died when I was much younger, followed by her parents. Everyone involved is a sidetracked, perfectionist, hoarder-type, including me. I’ve since learned to say, “no, thank you” but now I’m still struggling with this legacy of clutter. It’s been almost 17 years now. It is awful. Because it has been so awful, I am determined to teach my kids a different way.

I have been decluttering a little at a time every year, and every year there is less of stuff in my life.

You’ve really helped me with the perfectionist part, as well as the continued encouragement to declutter in the first place. It really IS hard to let go of things that come from loved ones. I can see why someone would whine to you about how it’s hard to declutter. It IS hard! But you’re so right that you have to start; you have to try, you have to give yourself a break and do it. I’ve learned so much from you. It took a little leap of faith into a dark unknown, but a year later and, wow, I can really see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.

Some of the things I’ve learned about and from this legacy of clutter are

1- If it can’t be enjoyed or used, it’s not worth keeping. No matter how special the things are, if there is so much of it that most of it has to be stored in boxes and trunks in the garage or closet or buried under something else, it can’t be enjoyed or appreciated by anyone. It might as well not even be there.

2- It is better to make a wrong decision about something (to sell, to give away, to throw away) then have the decision made for you by neglect. Some beautiful, lovely, valuable things that have been dumped on me were ruined by improper storage and damage by heat, bugs, and mold. So what could have blessed someone if my dad, uncle, grandmother had the courage to let go and make a bad decision a decade ago is now trash. It’s tragic waste of some lovely things.

3- I’m not a museum. I don’t have to have keep anything or have the perfect answer for what to do with stuff. It’s so tempting to keep something until I find the right answer (but see #2 above). If it doesn’t bring me joy or make me feel good or isn’t something I use, it’s not worth keeping. If by some miracle, something I gave away turns up as a masterpiece on Antiques Roadshow, I can feel GOOD that I blessed someone else with it, and GOOD that I got rid of it when I was only keeping it because it was “probably worth some money.” It’s not going to happen anyway, so why am I stressing out about making the right decisions about stuff that isn’t even mine by choice?

4- Along the same lines, I don’t have to take the blame. Importantly for me- I’ve realized I don’t have to take the blame or feel bad about it- because it is not my clutter. I don’t blame my family members for not knowing what to do with it either, but when they ask about stuff in that “Where’s Grandmama’s clock” kind of way, I can remind them gently that they gave it to me and while it might have been precious to them, it isn’t to me. (And I’ve learned I can offer it back to them first; they always say No! And now I say No when things are offered to me.)

5- Those people I love are STILL dead, no matter how much stuff of theirs that I keep. It’s kind of macabre to say it like that, but keeping the stuff does not take away the hurt. And in fact, a lot of it, actually makes the hurt worse because it brings back specific memories and feelings of loss. While it IS tempting to keep things as a memorial to my loved ones, the net result is that I keep too much and it makes me feel bad- guilty, sad, and overwhelmed. It is the very LAST thing these special people, especially my mom, would have wanted for me. It would break her heart to see her daughter struggling with stuff in the very same way she did. How great will it be to pass onto my children new routines and knowledge that helps them break the cycle?!
Another version of this for me is, I’ll still miss them, whether I keep the thing or not. Keeping the thing doesn’t make me miss them more. Keeping the thing doesn’t make me miss them less. It’s just a thing. I’ll always miss them, the people. And if I need/want the thing again, I’ll track it down. (I never do. Of all the stuff I’ve gotten rid of in these 17 years- I only regret giving away one thing. At the time there was no way to keep it. So I give myself the credit that I did the best I could when I got rid of it. It was best at the time. I can live with a little regret. A little regret is nothing compared to a mountain of clutter, guilt, and perfectionism.

6- Which kind of leads to this one: It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. I don’t have to let the risk of some bad decisions paralyze me from doing anything. I can keep some things. I can give away others. I don’t have to keep or give away all of it. I’ve made room for myself to have an inexact, imperfect solution- to keep working on it until it feels okay, a little bit at a time. Better to make slow progress when I can, than give into feelings of perfectionism.

7- Lastly, it is so very hard to give away or throw away the first precious things, but after all these years, and with the end of a burden of inherited clutter in sight, I finally get that having LESS is really HAVING more. A small selection of things from my mother’s and grandparents’ lives– things I can and DO use (or look at regularly because they are now able tp be well cared for and stored properly) add richness to my life, reminding me of who these special people were. A couple of things can actually contain way more sentimental value than you’d think. Just think about it this way- imagine if your grandmother’s china was the only family heirloom you have, wouldn’t it be precious to you? How about if you had her complete set of everyday china, her fancy china, her mother-in-law’s china, and all the tupperware your mom saved from your own childhood, plus the set of glass dishes they bought at a garage sale, and your mother-in-law’s china? What is special then? Less IS more.

I just wanted to affirm that, yes! We do NOT want to leave a legacy of junk, we do not want to suffer at the hands of our stinkin’ thinkin’! It is worth every effort in so many ways to ourselves, to our families, to the ones we loved. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has trouble decluttering stuff that comes from loved ones.

I can see why someone would whine to you. It’s so hard to get started. It feels sacrilegious sometimes. It feels scary, “what if I do the wrong thing? ” But it’s total freedom to begin to realize that the only wrong thing is to do nothing and let clutter keep control of my life. Over time it definitely gets easier– this year I’m even ready to get rid of things like some of my mom’s childhood photos and diaries. I never would have believed I could do it, and yet, now, I still feel a little bit scared, but I am more excited by the prospect of having that space in my daughters bedroom closet for her own toys instead of her dead relatives things. There will be less clutter in her room now, and a much smaller box of memorabilia that can be stored in a hall closet. Isn’t that great?

Babysteps all the way. I can, and am really starting to get it.

Thanks for keeping us going, FlyLady, you and your team really are a blessing to us.

-Beginning to FLY in Texas