I often feel like I don’t have a lot to contribute to adult conversations since my days are spent playing pretend police and house games, changing poopy diapers, making snacks and lunches, and building with blocks.  This of course all while trying to fit in some emails, dishes, laundry, dinner, a shower (can I get an amen!?) and a dozen other things that fall to me from finances/bills to keeping track of family birthdays and events to just keeping the house moving along.

Then, after the day is done and long after I should have gone to bed, I stumble across this blog of a girl and her bucket list.  She has a GREAT list.  I’m into bucket lists lately and have even started my own.  I started reading some of what is on hers and realize that I have done many of the things on her list.

The feeling of having already done something that is on someone else’s bucket list is pretty heady.  It made me feel as if my life is not so boring after all.

I started to feel quite a bit better about myself.  And I started to think about how often things that I think are no big deal, others think are fantastic and vice versa.  For example, others think it’s great that I have traveled and lived overseas.  To me, it’s no big deal.  But the fact that my friend Anne can sew a dress!  Well, to me, that is amazing.  I can sew on a button.  By hand.  I can’t do sewing machines.  I have broken sewing machines before.  It’s not pretty.  I have wanted to learn to sew for as long as I can remember.   It’s very daunting to me, while to others it’s something they’ve been doing for ages and not a big deal.

So, no matter who you are and what might be on your bucket list, there is a very good chance that something you have done or can do, whether it be to travel, scrapbook, finish college, live in Manhattan, climb a mountain, go camping, sew a dress, knit a scarf, write a story, take a pottery class, save money with coupons, fly somewhere, cook Thanksgiving dinner, get out of debt, become a parent, skydive…whatever…it is more than likely on somebody else’s bucket list.

When I think about it that way, I’ve done and can do some pretty cool stuff.  And I’m guessing the same is true for you.

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I am not mean.  At least, I don’t think that I am.  I am sarcastic.  But, I don’t think bitingly so.

I was told today that I am abrasive.  This was from a person that I consider to be overly sensitive.  To the point that I often just don’t call or get off the phone quickly if we are heading towards certain topics, simply because it’s tiring having to watch my words all the time.

So, I am wondering, do you think that people who are straightforward are harsh or abrasive?  Would you rather someone just play nice-nice all the time and just tell you what you want to hear or would you prefer to hear their honest opinion, warts and all?

Do you think it’s abrasive to just say something outright or does it always need to be cached in soft words in order to soften the blow?

And, while we are on the subject, why is the straightforward (or supposed harsh) person always the bad guy?  Why is it never the sensitive person?  Why is sensitivity considered a good trait when it’s abused to the point that every tiny thing is upsetting?

Personally, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I find overly sensitive people annoying.  I think it’s more of a manifestation of being insecure about oneself or one’s choices.  I don’t tolerate that very well either.

I’m not saying I’m never insecure about my choices, since I’m almost always insecure about my choices, but I’m honest with myself about that and most other things.

If someone points something out that deep down I know to be true, I admit it.  Fair cop, I say.  Maybe it’s something I’ve not thought of.  Maybe I have thought of it, but I’ve rationalized it away with other reasons.  But again, at least I’m honest about why something might bother me opposed to just getting my sensitive back up.

My mother always said I’d make a great psychologist.  Did I mention I’m often sarcastic as well?

Thanks for reading my rant.  I will try to me more positive next post.

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The study “ranked Australia as the least egalitarian society, making it’s men unattractive marriage partners because they were more unlikely to do household chores“.

Personally speaking, this is NOT true of my Aussie hubby, who does so much to help out that I often feel I need to step it up a notch myself.  My friends use him as an example to their own husbands in arguments (it’s true, I’ve heard it!).  I’m a lucky woman.

And, he is super sexy with his sexy Aussie accent, but I digress…..

There were lots of responses to the article, some agreeing, some claiming other nationalities were worse, but this was my favorite response:

“Suits me fine. When the computer crashes, the car breaks down, the pay cheque disappears, the lawns need mowing – seeding -fertilizing -watering, the hedges need trimming, the dogs cleaned up after, car washed and cleaned, car tyres changed, repairs around the house to be done and gutters cleaned, I will keep my bum planted on lounge and she can do all those chores when she is done with hers. How many men were in the survey, or was it all women?”

Obviously this is not going to apply to all married households.  Like those with dual incomes or where the women truly do everything (why did you marry that guy anyway?), but I think it applies to many.

Most of the married men I know do the majority of the outside work (yard, gutters, house maintenance, etc), car work/washing, repairs (inside/out), and other things like dead animal duty, spider catching, or like in my house, things with just a general ‘ick’ factor.

I think because married women are so focused on the everyday chores of the kitchen, laundry, bathroom, toy pickup, making dinner, taking care of children, etc…we forget about the plethora of other things that we don’t do.

When one of our single, female neighbors emailed me and a bunch of others about the best type of mouse traps to get, I had to ask my husband.  And, I was thinking how glad I am that I don’t have to deal with that myself.

When our washing machine backed up and water got all over the basement (while washing icky cloth diapers mind you!!), my husband cleaned it all up and did a bleach wash on the floor.  Again, happy I didn’t have to deal with that one!

And, I can tell you, after the dead animal duty that my husband had to deal with yesterday morning, he has definitely earned his keep for a while.

But, then he cleaned the bathroom last night after the kids were in bed and I didn’t even ask him to!  I’m a lucky girl I tell you!!

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My fave HGTV shows are Design to Sell, House Hunters (International), My First Place, Curb Appeal, etc.  I love those shows.

I used to always say to a friend of mine when we were in Grad School, that all I really wanted to do was sell real estate.  She wanted to own a flower shop.  Neither of us are doing these things.  Or what we went to grad school for.  Go figure.

So, why am I not selling or doing anything in real estate?  Well, a lot of has to do with real estate agents.  No offense if you are an agent, but so many of them are super smarmy, money grubbing, liars.  Not all, mind you.  I’ve met, and know (and are related to) a lot of nice ones.  But even still, very few will be up front and honest with you about a house.  They are trying to sell it or get you to buy it after all, which is what pays them.

This is the problem.  I know I couldn’t be that person.  I could not sit there, all smiley-faced, about a house, that some naive young couple is about to put all their hard earned money into, that had a bunch of problems that they were just to inexperienced to see…so I could make some money.   I couldn’t sleep at night doing that.  We have a very successful agent in our neighborhood that will tell you how wonderful a house is even if a wall fell down while you were looking it (“Oh, that can be easily fixed”, she would chirp merrily, the smile never leaving her face).  Can you tell how much I like her?

So, the other issue is being associated with that group of people, the unscrupulous ones.  It’s something I will have to get over if I want to try it though.  I will have to seek out the good ones and learn from them.

I could probably be a buyer’s agent, which is what we used when we bought our house.  A buyer’s agent doesn’t sell houses, they only help you buy one.  So, part of the double edge is gone.  You are not selling any houses.  You listen to a client and try to help them find the best one for them.  Our buyer’s agent was a big help to us.  He was older and pointed out things about houses we would have never thought about it.  Some things we were willing to live with, but at least we knew what we were getting.

If I had the design skills, I would love to be a stager.  I don’t know how many houses I’ve gone into where I think, “Don’t you watch HGTV?!”.  I mean, it’s crazy.  I helped my sister pack up and stage her house when they sold.  It wasn’t fancy, but it looked TONS better when we were done with it.

I would also love to try my hand at house flipping.  I live in a neighborhood that is full of that going on.  It can be pretty fast money if you do it right and price it to sell.  I see mistakes being made all the time, both in a house and with the pricing.  People get greedy and the houses just sit because the flippers don’t understand our neighborhood.  I am confident I could do a great flip…just not confident enough to put my money where my mouth is right now.

When our boys get older and are in school, I will probably look into pursuing these options a bit more.  It’s something I would love to try my hand at.  In the meantime, I will just keep watching the shows, practicing on my own house and learning.

What about you?  Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, but aren’t doing?  Why not?

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She was tagged for a Meme and invited others to do one to, so here’s mine.

Three…

… places I’ve visited: New York, NY;  Odense, Denmark; New Zealand (traveled around North Island)

… cars I’ve owned: Pontiac Sunbird (Sunny), Nissan pickup truck, Nissan Altima (we’ve owned 3 of these)

… foods I love: pizza, ice cream, calamari

… jobs I’ve held: Hostel manager in Chicago, receptionist (at LOTS of different places), Human Resources Benefits Specialist (managed 401k and health, dental, life, and disability insurance for employees)

… authors I love: Bryce Courtenay, J.K. Rowling, George R.R. Martin

… places I’ve lived: Knoxville, TN;  Edinburgh, Scotland;  Brisbane, Australia

… favorite hobbies: blogging, gardening, travel

… bones I’ve broken: None

… TV shows I watch: Lost, Gray’s Anatomy,  most anything on HGTV

… songs that make me turn up the volume:  Anything off Paul’s Boutique by the Beastie Boys (kickin’ it old school..yeah), Shake Your Groove Thing by Peaches and Herb also found on the Priscilla Queen of the Desert Soundtrack…highly recommended (lovin’ some some cheesy disco or brit pop dance music, yeah!)  , A Little Bit Lonesome by Kayce Chambers (I love twangy, old school country y’all and Kayce does is pretty well for an Aussie).

… favorite drinks: water, coffee, and right now I’m partial to margaritas

… fun board games: cranium, scene it, trivial pursuit

… stores I could spend a whole day in: Ikea (I have spent a whole day in here and drove 4 hours to get there!  I know, nuts!),  my fave garden nursery,  possibly Target…I have spent numerous hours in there I know.

… chores I put off as long as possible: mopping floors, cleaning the bathroom (actually this is my husband’s job but sometimes I do it), ironing

… chores I kind of like: is this a trick question?  okay, let me think…picking up/putting away toys/books; cleaning the kitchen; vacuuming (though we don’t have any carpet, only rugs)

… things I would rather chew glass than do: network, sell something I don’t believe in, hurt someone’s feelings.

… reasons I hate attending parties: Huh!?  I LOVE going to parties!

… favorite dog breeds: Maltese, Boxer, Poodle

… things I just don’t get: watching horror movies/shows with gratuitous violence (the world is scary enough, thank you very much);  idolizing celebrities, musicians or people seen on TV;  rich people who spend scads of money on material things with no regard to value, worth, or the help they could be providing to others with real needs.

I would love to read the list of anyone else who wants to make one!

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As far back as I can remember, I have always wanted to travel to other countries.  I was always friends with the foreign exchange students, one of which I am friends with still today.

However, study abroad never appealed to me, even at University.  So, when I found the BUNAC, work abroad program, where I could basically  just go, on my own terms (and work, which appealed to me much more than studying and going to class), I knew this was my chance.  So, finally, I went right after I finished my graduate degree, before I had any other commitments to hold me back.

Back in 1998, there were no work abroad programs for Australia or New Zealand.  If there were, my life would more than likely be very different right now.  I had always wanted to go to Australia, so that is probably where I would have gone.

But, since that was not an option, I applied for the Work in Britain program.  Once I received my work visa, I booked my flight to London.

I had all sorts of naive, romantic notions of living somewhere around Surrey in some quaint English village, getting who knows what kind of job, and visiting places like the 100 Acre Wood, where Winnie the Pooh lived.  Yes, it’s true.  I’m still bummed I never went there.  One day though, we will take our boys, which will be even better.

So, back to my story.

I was so niave and hadn’t a clue what I was doing in terms of packing. I packed far too much gear, based on my sister’s (the packrat) advice that “you will want/need this while you are away”.  Since she’d studied abroad in Finland I thought she must know.  Nope.  Packed way too much crap that I did not need or want and thought of ditching it many a time.

The flight was a cinch.  I sat next to a lady who gave me some advice, one being to always look for a McDonald’s if I needed to go to the bathroom while walking around London.  Good advice, actually, since many English places didn’t have bathrooms (or ‘loos’) that you could use unless you were a patron, if at all.

When I arrived in London, I went to my hostel, which was very strange for a hostel.  The shower was literally a stall in the room itself, right next to my bed.  So, there were at least 8 beds to this one shower.  No changing area.  You had to get into the shower, take off your clothes, throw them out the door onto the floor, then shower and manage to get dry and dressed, while all the time not showing all your bits to a bunch of strangers.  This was my first experience at a hostel and even I knew, thankfully, this was not normal.

Anyway, I met a few other Americans who were there through BUNAC at a pub meet-up.  Everybody was planning on staying in England, except one guy.  He was going up to Edinburgh, Scotland.  BUNAC had an office up there too.  Interesting.  I hadn’t considered it before.  Then, after a few more days of just being underwhelmed in London in terms of  making any connections with other people or my surroundings, I booked a night bus up to Edinburgh.

When I arrived, I knew immediately it was the right choice.  Edinburgh is just a special place and you can feel it the minute you are there.  The history and the charm just oozes out of every crevice of the city and I felt lucky every day I was there.  The Scots and the travelers who chose to live there were a much warmer bunch than any I had met in London and I knew right away that it was where I was meant to be.

Okay, so I had a hostel bed booked in Edinburgh for the next week.  I was in a city I was planning on staying in for a while.  Now what?  Time to look for a place to live and to get work that will pay for it.  Easy, right?

I will write later about how I went about all this and the type of work I did while I was there.

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Both of my neighbors have one.  The neighbor that is closest uses his ALL the time.  It drives me nuts.  I will be sitting in my house with the door open (screen door on) or out on the deck, enjoying a peaceful morning or afternoon or having a relaxing drink or coffee and on comes that incessant leaf blower.

You know, leaf blowers are banned in many California cities, including Los Angeles?  I (like) totally need to live in a place that believes in that.

The links above list all sorts of reasons why citizens support banning leaf blowers.  I can relate to many of them, however my big issue is noise.  The noise of them makes my skin crawl.  Extreme?  Maybe.  However, I secretly want to take it and throw it in the road and hope someone runs over it.

My other issue is that people use it to blow their leaves (and in my historic neighborhood full of very mature trees, there are a LOT of leaves) into the street.  This means that when it rains, those leaves get washed into the already very old and overly-taxed sewer/water system.  Our city asks that residents do not do it, but people don’t care.  They only want the leaves out of their yard.

Anyway, that is my soapbox for today.  So, if you have a leaf blower, think about your neighbors and the environment before you switch it on.   Thanks.

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I used to make earrings.  I made them for myself and friends.  One of my friends still wears the ones I gave her.  They look better on her than they ever did on me anyway.  I love seeing her wearing them.

It’s much like with this blog.  I love to get comments and see that people are enjoying what I write or relating to it on some level.  It’s very satisfying.

But, it started to consume me, so I needed to take a step back.  So, I decided not to post on the weekends.  I still read blogs and do some writing on the weekends, but I don’t stress over getting a post written every day.  I knew that if I kept that up that I would get burnt out before I really even got started, since my blog is pretty new.  It’s really addicting though and hard to just ‘leave it’.

I did read some great stuff over the weekend and yesterday though.  I usually like to post my link love on Mondays, but since yesterday I posted about my husband’s accident, I’m posting it today instead.

Here is a few of what I have enjoyed recently:

Fiscal Fizzle presented a question about whether it’s better for one or both parents to work.  I had made a few comments on this and he featured my comments.

Zen Habits yesterday listed 55 Ways To Get More Energy.  I think there are a few on this list I could definately use, although getting to bed earlier would be a great start!  Think I’ll have a blueberry-banana smoothie for lunch to keep me going.

I have to mow the lawn today since hubby is out of commission.  Gag.  I detest mowing the lawn.

Someday Syndrome says to Take On More Projects and Get More Done.  I mean, I can get what he’s saying, and it’s a very interesting concept, but my ‘To Do” list is so overwhelming long right now that I just can’t imagine.

I can barely stay above water as it is and have crap all over my dining room table (again) and laundry piled up waiting to be washed, folded, and put away (again).  You name it, it’s probably on my list.  And yes, I am a procrastinator.  I big one.  But I am not so sure that adding to my list is going to help any.

Speaking of, I need to finish doing this so I can go and mow the lawn, and do laundry, and clean the kitchen, and follow up on life insurance, and complete my refinance paperwork, and make a hair cutting appointment, and a dentist appointment, and water my plants….oh Lord…maybe I will just have one more coffee….

What do you think?  Do you think adding to your to do list will help you to complete it?

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1. Flying Away

I would go to college, become a financial planner, make big bucks from my first job, save up $2500, while in school to start a mutual fund that would grow exponentially over time making me a millionaire by the time I was 45.  This was my plan when I was 18.

That was, ahem, many years ago.

I did not major in Finance.  Bored me to freakin’ tears and I nearly failed Advanced Financial Accounting.   So, I majored in Marketing & Psychology instead.  I worked for a year waiting tables after undergrad to save up for Graduate school, where I majored in Wellness, of all things.  Needless to say, all I got from my graduate degree was a better perspective on living my life and great friends.  Nothing to sneeze at, but it definitely doesn’t put money in the bank.

I did save up money, like I’d planned, and start a mutual fund in my early twenties.  It even grew a bit too.

And then my heart won out over my practical side.  After I finished my graduate degree, I took out all that money and all the rest of my savings, and moved to Edinburgh, Scotland.

Huh?  Yep, that’s right.  I worked mostly temp jobs and traveled around the UK, Ireland and Europe.  It was the best decision I ever made.  And, it was not in the least bit practical.  My parents thought I was nuts (they are uber practical people), but figured I “needed to get it out of my system”.

It’s not only where I met my husband (Awwww!), but I also a host of other wonderful people who changed my life, changed my perspective on what is important, and opened my eyes to a whole other world outside of the narrow one I grew up in.

This one decision showed me how valuable it can be to listen to your heart, gut, instincts, whatever you want to call it.  When we make decisions solely based on pros/cons or what we or others think we “should” do, we are potentially missing out some very fulfilling life experiences.

I still remember a friend asking incredulously, “So you are moving to Scotland to wait tables?  Why would you do that?”.  I answered, “Because I will be in Scotland…where will you be?”.   My move actually motivated him to leave as well and follow his own dreams.

So, have you done things that others thought you were nuts for doing, but ended up being the best thing ever for you?

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1. I am 36 years old.
2. I have lived and worked in three countries (US, Scotland, Australia).
3. I never thought I would remain a SAHM after a year, it’s been 3 1/2.
4. I am afraid of  heights.
5. My favorite band is Powderfinger.
6. I am a worrier with a vivid imagination…not a good combination.
7. My husband and I never really even dated, we just moved in together and later got married.  My Dad was very relieved.
8. I don’t like cold weather.
9. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people complain to me about how busy they are.
10. I have ridden a camel.
11. Avocado is my favorite food.  I could eat one every day…I almost already do.  I need an avocado tree in my yard.
12. I would love to own a bikini store on the beach.   I know, weird.
13. Thirteen is my favorite number.
14. I am a small, fluffy, non-shedding dog person.  I can stand shedding pet fur.
15. I have an enormous sweet tooth and therefore cannot have cookies or ice cream or any sweet stuff in the house because I will just eat it all.
16. I sing like a rockstar in the car, but can’t really carry a tune.
17. I prefer living in Australia, but don’t want to leave my family.  It’s something I struggle with all the time.
18. I used to live in and manage a backpacker hostel.
19. I drink too much coffee…I’m making some now.
20. I both drink and swear.  Usually at the same time.
21. I got married at the beach, in Australia.  It was casual and small and my dream wedding.
22. I am a very liberal person…the only one in my family growing up.
23. I have a Master’s degree in health and wellness, though it’s pretty useless, career-wise.
24. I hate all white condiments (dressings, mayo, sour cream, you name it, gross)
25. I love real estate…going to open houses, looking up houses that are for sale, watching real estate shows on HGTV.  However, I don’t like real estate agents.  Don’t trust them.

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